by: Robert Jordan & Brandon Sanderson

Well, it was just as good as I thought it would be.  I mean, really there is no let down here.  And I’m not talking about milk.

I did not see the ending coming.  Really.  I would not have expect the series to change course in such a powerful way.  Without giving any spoilers, I’ll say that the laugh in the final chapter may go down as the most ….<adjective I can’t find, but a good one> in fantasy lit.

I mean, wow.  Sure, the way they got to that point was a little cheezy but really, what other way was there to get there? The protagonist in that chapter had to learn a hard, but somewhat basic lesson, that most people learn somewhere in their mid 20s.  Often if they don’t pick it up by then, they never do.

I think Rand is somewhere in that age bracket??  Or has the whole series really only taken months?  I suppose I should look it up, maybe later.

So, what else is there to say?

Shit happens. Prophecies are fulfilled.  Every prophecy in this series comes true eventually – which is an interesting plot device and not half the stumbling block you’d think it would be.  I didn’t see how the one about Rand kneeling to the Seanchan could come around in a less than obnoxious way (ie: no stupid collaring), and yet the ending of this book sets up a few potential options.  I’m impressed.

At least one long time supporting cast member dies.  Two (?) forsaken die, probably permanently.  People are finally learning what other people are doing.  Stuff is just… well, it’s a good time to be a fantasy fan.  Only two years till its wrapped!!!  Then I’ll go through the whole damn thing again at some point.  Maybe Z will be old enough for me to read it to him, we’ll see.

One thing I wonder is if Brandon Sanderson came up with any of the big story beats, or if they were all laid out in notes.  Was his job just to fill in all the bubbles, dot all the i’s and connect the disjointed dots (which he did exceptionally) or was there more?

I think I did that mostly spoiler free.  Can’t suggest it enough.  Well, if you’ve read the previous 12 books or so.  Which, if you did, there’s no way you’re not going to read this.  So my recommendation means exactly nothing.

FOUR AND THREE FIFTHS STARS

(because nothing is perfect?)

One splash, as expected, and lots of unexpected goodness.  Good times.

X-Factor 50 delivered on at least 85% of what was expected – and there was a lot riding on it, so I’ll call it good.  It may actually be closer to 100%, but the final sequence with Doom and what?whereishe? left me confused.  If this was intentional, then OK.  Layla’s “power” is quite interesting, and I have to wonder if it’s come into play at all thus far in the series.  I like the explanation for her prescience (although the several of the early scenes from X-Factor don’t make  a whole lot of sense under this umbrella at all – the one that ended with the bathroom collapsing seems downright farcically impossibly now).  The preview for issue 200 – the “relaunch” looked really, really promising.  I bought 2 copies.  Just because.

Oh, and the majority of the people on the cover above did nothing in the story.  This was allllll about Madrox and Layla.  And Ruby and Trevor Fitzory (I know, right?) a little too.  And crochety Doom (where the hell did he go?!).

Necrosha & New Mutants 6 were pleasant surprises.  Although, …battleCypher is kinda like what/huh/ok/no/yes?  … and I SERIOUSLY doubt that the implied ending is in anyway true, but who knows, people have been dying left and right lately.  OK, not X-people.  In fact, pretty much everyone who has ever died in an x-comic was resurrected in the current X-Force run.  Except for the people I wanted resurrected (Synch!)…ok, yeah, there is only one (Synch!). Everyone else can stay down.  Please.

Speaking of dying left and right.  WOW.  Guardians of the Galaxy 19.  Wow.  Can they even call that a win with half the team dead?  Just wow, balls of steel on those writers I tell you.  And I’m not even mad about it – even though one of my favorites is gone – ?for good?.  If you like comics, especially cosmic ones, you should be buying this book.

Astonishing X-Men 31 was underwhelming.  Mucho.  But, who knows, maybe once it gets into gear…

Thankfully Avengers Initiative 29 continued to whelm in all 7 gears.  Komodo (I’m still holding out on the hope that her and Hardball work it out…) the paraplegic kicking ass with brains, Tigra continuing to just kick ass, Speedpenance getting his cat back (!) and… meeting the New Warriors, finally.  Lots of peanuts riding on the grinder heading into the 30s.

New Avengers 58 on the other hand… this plotline is dragging on way too long.  We know Bendis isn’t going to kill Cage (in fact, I’m pretty sure that the recent issue of Thunderbolts with Cage & Iron Fist takes place after this entire arc).  The Hood/Osborn stuff is moderately interesting, and the Ms. Marvel/Osborn smackdown was somewhat rewarding.  But still.  Finish this up and move on please.

Did I mention that you should pick up X-Factor 50 & Guardians of the Galaxy 19 (although neither will make much sense at all without a substantial reading and time investment in the rest of the series…but it’s totally worth it!)?

Blackest Night 4 was decent, although I think Green Lantern 47 actually beat it.  These panels are awesome.  I guess I’m a sucker for shiny lights.

I really hope all the shiny colored rings stick around.  It would also be handy if some of the current (and future, since we know Guy Gardner goes Red) non-green colored lanterns stick around.  I rather wish Hal had stayed blue – it would certainly make him more interesting.  I guess they’d have to rename the book then :P.

One note:  The colorist seems to have drawn the indigo light as more of a blue, but we already have a blue… sooo… yeah.

The bad news is that I’m totally not going to finish the Gathering Storm tonight.

by: Robert Jordon & Brandon Sanderson

What?? A “mid-book” review?  What does that even mean?

It means that I’m midway through the book and felt like making some brief comments.  Because I can.

So let’s just get this out of the way first:

It’s good.

Quite good.

Only once or twice have I stopped to wonder if a passage was Jordan’s or Sanderson’s – and in the end I didn’t care anyway.

I found myself going back and re-reading passages to soak in details – something  I almost never do.  But – this is a book I’ve waited four years for – a book most thought would never come, thanks to Mr. Jordan’s horribly unfortunate passing.  This is a book to be savored!

There were one or two points where I wondered at a character’s actions, thought briefly would they do that?, but then realize that DUH, the series has to end, so they have to suck it up and change eventually.  And besides, they both did things I actually wanted them to do – so wins were everywhere.

I’d forgotten how skillfully crafted the characters here are.  I understand each person’s perspective.  I know why they do the things they do, even if I really wish they wouldn’t.  Each one is a living, breathing thing to me – which I suppose they should be after 12 books in 19 years.

Halfway through the book feels like I just read a whole book too -  there was a point where it felt a little like one book ending, and another beginning.  The first half contained in itself  the standard Jordanian progression of things, leading up to a battle with a Forsaken and another terribly Pyrrhic victory.  There were several shifts in allegiances, and two big reveals – one about a darkfriends identity (I’m pretty sure this was news, but I might have forgotten it) – and one about the identity of Moridin.  Rand did something he really shouldn’t have done with the power (and I know it will come back and bite him – but how?!).

Oh, and there’s the requisite AWFUL cover.  Seriously what the hell is up with the proportions on this thing?  Still, they’ve grown on me over the decades (!), so it wouldn’t be a WoT book without one.  Seriously though, that cover artist….*shakes head*.

Hopefully I’ll be able to squeeze in the last 300 pages tonight.  Fingers crossed.  If it’s as good as the first half… hell of a book.

So, I’ve been working on my second “book” for about a month now.  I’m 32k in, which should be about halfway.  I’m also at chapter 15 out of my planned 20 on my outline. Although the final chapters will be denser than the beginning ones, it seems like I may need to add some things; don’t want to end up with a novella.  My goal was to hit 70-75k, then edit it down to about 62k.  We’ll see…

Midpoints of large projects are uplifting, because the end point suddenly lumbers into view, and you can feel better about yourself and your capabilities and all that.  Which is good.

It’s definitely going faster than my first attempt – that took me a year to get this far – maybe longer!  Still, not nearly as fast as I’d like to: either I don’t have the time, or when I do I’m really not in the mood (late evening kid burnout, or holding a kid).

So, “what is it?” you ask  ( I assume you ask because you’ve bothered to read this far).

I’m trying for basic pulp fantasy this time around.  Swords and sorcery.  A (small) dragon or two.  A heroine and a hero.  No unicorns (yet?).  Not quite epic fantasy, but with the potential to bloom into that with later books in the series.  Yes, it’s the first book in another series.  I can’t concept a book that stands on its own.  /shrug.

It’s about… a sword and the woman he loves.  More or less.

So recently (ok it was months ago) I was excitedly telling a friend of mine about this wonderful trick I’d learned (from my father-in-law, thanks Burt!) to preserve spinach/lettuce/etc.

Sooo…if you put leaves of lettuce/spinach/etc. in tupperware (etc.) in between two damp paper towels… it lasts longer.

As in, normally we’d go through half a bag of spinach in a week, and throw out the rest.  But now, I put half in the tupperware, go through the half bag, then go through the leaves in the tupperware.

Yay for being old!

ANYWAY.  So my friend, we’ll call him “asshole #2″ for now (me being #1) – who doesn’t read this blog (but if he does, hi Andy!), tells me “Oh, everyone knows that.”   But I didn’t.

So, just in case you didn’t know this, now you do, and now you can act all in the know whenever people talk about this stuff.

Because it’s important dammit.

Let’s take a trip down shit-logic lane, shall we?

1. Man molests pre-pubescent boy.
2. Therefore, man must be attracted to males.
3. Therefore, man is gay.
4. Therefore, all/most gays are child molesters.

Now, of course we can all point out the obvious logical fallacy involved in traversing the gulf between steps 3 and 4, right?

If not, please don’t call me.  Ever.

Instead, I’m going to dwell briefly on the more interesting breakdown of the brain between steps 1 & 2.

Oh wait, first, lets run the same logic train on a man who molested a little girl (which never happens, right?!):

1. Man molests pre-pubescent girl.
2. Therefore, man must be attracted to girls.
3. Therefore, man is straight.
4. Therefore, all/most straights are child molesters.

Oooo.  It burns doesn’t it? It should.  If not, pick up your phone – and don’t call me.

An average gay man, just like an average straight man, is attracted to people on the post- side of that wacky, sticky river of puberty.   The entrances just don’t completely overlap.   Hey – no harm, no foul eh?

Let’s get something straight:

There is a huge gulf between pre- and post- pubescence.  You should not be sexually attracted to someone on the pre- side of that river.

If you are, you are psychologically, hormonally, biologically (ETC!) damaged and should be kept away from children.

THE END.

So please, TV ads and ignorant people in general, please shut the fuck up with the “protect the children from the gays!” bullshit.  Your logic is insulting, not to mention insulting.

I can’t count the number of times I’ve seen this advice given to aspiring fiction writers:

“Use only said, avoid alternates as much as you can.”

So, you know, “John said x”, “Betty said y”, never “John groused x”, “Betty mumbled y”.  I guess. I think it’s even in On Writing.

Yet, I’ve also seen it suggested that you should avoid adverbs to the same degree (no “John walked casually”) and attempt to get all that meaning from the verb itself (”John strolled”).  These two points seem kind of at odds with each other.  “Said” is most certainly a verb.  Here’s a relevant quote from Annie Dillard, itself quoted in the useful and interesting essay here:

You want vivid writing. How do we get vivid writing? Verbs, first. Precise verbs. All of the action on the page, everything that happens, happens in the verbs. The passive voice needs gerunds to make anything happen. But too many gerunds together on the page makes for tinnitus: Running, sitting, speaking, laughing, inginginginging. No. Don’t do it. The verbs tell a reader whether something happened once or continually, what is in motion, what is at rest. Gerunds are lazy, you don’t have to make a decision and soon, everything is happening at the same time, pell-mell, chaos. Don’t do that. Also, bad verb choices mean adverbs. More often than not, you don’t need them. Did he run quickly or did he sprint? Did he walk slowly or did he stroll or saunter?

And, it seems like something like “I hate dogs,” mumbled John. actually tells the reader more than “I hate dogs,” said John. in the same space.  In fact, you could argue it is more efficient – which is exactly one of you goals as a writer (unless you’re trying to be deliberately obtuse).

Now, I can see why you would want to avoid things like: complain, praise, mocked, etc.  IE things that tell you the temperament that the authour should be showing you with their word choice and sentence structure in the dialogue itself.

Also, I find myself resorting to things like said slowly much more than things like walked slowly. I can establish the pace of movement with other contextual clues much easier than I can the pace of dialogue.  Although I have been known to use a fuckload of ellipsis … indeed.

But I’m no longer convinced of the “Always use said” maxim.

Of course, this is all probably just a case of different advice givers at odds with one another – but it’s still working thinking about when you write – anything that keeps me analyzing my word choice is helpful :).

I ask this question because I seem to recall a review somewhere comparing Monsters of Folk to the Wilburys.

I think that’s a silly crazy thing to say, but that’s just me. I hadn’t even heard of half the MoF – not that I’m uber musically educated, but at the time the Wilburys came out, pretty much everyone had heard of all of them.  Except Jeff Lynne.  I still don’t get him.  I’ve heard a couple cool ELO songs since then but… it still doesn’t make sense (his producer cred maybe?).  So, anyway, as a thought exercise  I thought it would be fun to try and come up with some modern day equivalents.

SO. Wilburys, 1988.

• Bob Dylan: Fucking Bob Dylan.  Making music for 26 years at that point.  Folksy.  Lots of cred pretty much everywhere.  Musical chameleon?
• George Harrison: A fucking Beatle.  One that wasn’t Ringo (he doesn’t smoke it no more).  Also in the industry for 25-26 years at that point.
• Roy Orbison: One of the best pop singers of his era, had a truly remarkable (to me) voice. ~28 years in the business.
• Jeff Lynne: 17 years in the industry (I didn’t realize ELO had that many albums.  Then again, you could fill the internet with things I don’t know about ELO).  Strong producing cred.  Not very well known publicly???.
• Tom Petty: The baby of the group at only 12 years in the industry.  6-7 strong albums under his belt.  Southern rocker.

So what are we looking at for Wilburys 2009?

Re-using Dylan would be too easy. How about this Tom Waits guy?  I actually don’t know much about him at all (I guess I should be embarrassed…).  He fits the genre I think, but it’s hard to touch Dylan’s cred (ok, impossible?), but about 10 years too early.

Ah hah!  Let’s go with Elvis Costello!  He’s most definitely a musical chameleon, has cred up the ass, and came into the scene a bit later than Waits, putting him a bit closer to the age mark.

Now we need the ex-member of a gimongous supergroup to end all supergroups.   Wait, that’s the Beatles, and there was only one of them.  Was there a band with that kind of magic in the early 80s/late 70s that is still relevant today?  Urk.  Drawing a blank here.  Instead I’m going to go with Springsteen, because I think any rock supergroup of this generation would just have to have him.  He is something of a phenomenon too – not like the Beatles, but definitely something.  He can fill something of the Dylan/folksy role too.

A 70s/80s vocal giant.  That’s still alive (sorry Marvin :( ).  Jen suggests Prince.  I’m not familiar enough with his work outside the singles to judge the extent of his vocals, but seems like a solid suggestion.   He’s got the star power.  Not to mention those guitar chops!   Other suggestions?

I don’ t know much about producers… how about Brian Eno?  I hear the cool kids like him.  Might be a bit too old.  I need some serious help on this one folks.  Ideas?

I’m thinking Eddy Vedder for the “young guy”.  Not too many bands from the early 90s are still with us, and Pearl Jam’s 18 years (18?  Holy fuck!  I’m old!) puts them a little past Petty’s 12 in 1988…but is there someone of Vedder’s talent level and public familiarity still with us from 1997?

During which I address a bunch of disparate topics with quite parate rambles:

The season has slipped back into obnoxious up here in the Portland of the West (I’m not talking to you Portland, Maine!).  Freezing wind (not literally, yet), cold nights, and RAIN.  RAIN.  Yes, someday we will move and leave you far behind.   New Mexico?  Hawaii?  New England somewheresabouts?  Somewhere!  All we need is that perfect moneymaking job!  Like… being a writer.  That totally pays about $40k a year if you luck out and bust your ass.  Wait.  That’s not that much at all.  Doh!

…

There are no movies that look interesting to me because a) I rarely watch trailers and b) when would we have the time?  I suppose I should start netflixing all the stuff I’ve missed this year….right?  American Pie 12 here I come!

…

Marvel announced at least three big events so far for next year: Second Coming (X-Men event), DoomWar (seems Black Panther centric, but has X-men & FF members &…Deadpool.  Kay!),  and Siege – the final “ending” of the Dark Reign stuff and return to semi-normalcy with Cap/Thor/Iron Man Avengering around together again.

…

Books.  Books.  I haven’t read anything in a while.  I’m slowly working my way through a book of interviews with Michael Moorcock.  He’s been known to write a book in ?3? days I think it was.  Fucknutty!  Somehow I’ve made it to date without reading a single one of his books.  Cardinal sin, I KNOW.  I should be able to find some in old school paperback pretty cheap though, maybe I’ll do that after I finish (and start…) Name of the Wind.  I’m so afraid it will suck I haven’t touched it yet.

…

I haven’t tried to watch a single episode of Heroes since my failure to complete the first one.  Jen seems to be enjoying Flashforward though, and it seems moderately interesting.   I think, if it doesn’t go the way of X-Files/Lost?/Heroes etc. (ie dragging out the initial premise to Herculean lengths, then never resolving it satisfactorily because you’ve inserted so much bullhsit in there in the attempt to stretch it out to 7+ seasons) it sounds like it could be decent.  We had a conversation about the different things we’re willing to invest in a TV show – I’m much less willing to start watching any kind of ongoing show these days because I lack the confidence that TV writers have the balls to end something.  If a story is only meant to run 1-2 seasons, that’s all it should run!!  But, of course that runs completely counter to TV programming-think.

…

Nothing particularly new to me in the world of music.  I think I may like She & Him.  Still trying to decide. I like some of the songs, but I need to hear the whole album and I’m reticent to buy it without hearing the entire thing first.  I do dig the retro-50s vocal thing she’s doing though.  I like the sound, but not so much in its original context – amusing, yes?

I’m debating ordering Dear Leader’s now album – it’s ex-Sheila Divine frontman Aaron Perrino’s current project.   They were a great band that I think was just hitting their stride when they vanished so hey, good luck with reincarnation.

I heard a rumor that Jawbox was going to be on some douchebag’s late night show.  That guy from SNL who couldn’t keep a straight face to save his life.  Can’t remember his name for some reason.  Crazy.

The Monsters of Folk album is ok.  Not ok enough for me to rush out and buy it, but ok.

…

Z has a selection of chorus lines he says now when he’s in the mood, inevitably going from one to the other.  “Beating like a hammer” (Metric), “It’s cold outside”, (classics), “hit the road jack/don’t come back no more” & a few others I’m brain farting on right now.  He usually knows 1-2 extra lines of the songs as well.  It’s freaking adorable.  He’s starting to get a little bit of melody going too.

…

I’m in one of those “everything bores me” phases right now, hoping it will end soon.   Could just be the seasonal doldrums.

Wow, that was a bucket of stupid poured all over a pile of pig manure wasn’t it?

I mean.  Making Banner and She-hulk into inbred hillbillies… what’s Millar’s thing with inbred hillbillies anyway?  (Remember the killer pony inbred hillbilly from Authority?  …it’s basically the same thing here, except easily killed by Wolverine, and dozens of them).

I really was trying to humor Millar this time.  But Hulk & She-Hulk fucking is just too obnoxious for words – how did this get through editorial? Isn’t this bullshit what his creator owned books are for?