Onefinemess

Oh Kevin Smith. *shakes head*

You set out to make a mainstream movie (but with lots of cussing!) and you did.  This movie was utterly predictable (except that I wouldn’t have been surprised if he had slept with the porn starlet), in all the most standard of ways.  There were  many scenes that I thought were wasted too – things that probably would have been better in a “standard” movie.

Random bits:

• The reunion scene – we only got to see 3 or 4 of their wacky classmates?  Seems like a waste of free jokes there.
• Judd Apatow called and he wants his casts back
• Look Kevin I know you’re pissed that Judd beat you to showing dick in a movie.   Wait, no I don’t have a subordinate clause for that sentence.
• What the holy meddlesome-candy-forcible-anal-entry-frogs was up with Elizabeth Banks’ (thaaaat’s here name, had to look it up) “revelation scenes”.  You know, the ones where the lighting on her face gets all overkill, and she starts emoting like a madwoman, and this is supposed to tell us that she’s learning something about love?  I could see if it was supposed to be comical, but I really don’t think it was.
• To the porn starlet chick (I’ll avoid putting her name in so I can skip getting a bunch of random hits from people searching for pics of her to dress their hand up in) with the giant fake boobs: thank you for reminding us why real boobs are the cat’s pajamas.  There was one scene where she was twisted funny or something, and her implant was all …just all obviously visible and nasty.
• Re: chick blowing bubbles with her lady junk: And your characters didn’t put that in their movie?  The thing that made them hire her?? OK.
• The thing with Craig Robinson’s wife/Tisha Campbell: Really? Wasn’t making her a raging bitch a bit too predictable?  I was half expecting/hoping there to be some kind of flip-the-script thing here but no, she really was a crazy bitch.  Lame.
• I guess sometimes all you need to show you love is for people to watch and film you having sex.  While that’s probably true – no, that’s all I got there.
• re: sex: Zack & Miri’s sex scene was crappy by any standard.  At least make it look like it lasted more than 2-3 minutes.

I mean, it wasn’t a “bad” movie – unless you’re bothered by people getting their face shat on, low hanging testicle shots (I think Kevin knew he had to do this before someone else beat him to it) and excessive masturbation jokes.  If you’re cool with that stuff, then it’s a pretty standard romantic comedy of the “goofy best friends fall in love on accident” school.  But there’s nothing new (other than the hanging sack shot…) & exciting to see here.

Carry on.

Tags: Kevin Smith, Seth Rogen, that one girl, Zack and Miri Make a Porno

This entry was posted by onefinemess on Thursday, April 16th, 2009 at 7:31 am and is filed under Movie Review. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.