Mighty Avengers 34

Wolverine – Weapon X 11: The art was decent, but I really wasn’t feeling Wolverine’s characterization here.  And I think there was some really irresponsible writing at one point.  Wolverine basically picks a fight with a completely normal dude.  The guy is not a bad guy in the least, and Wolverine picks a fight over music, then punches the guy clean through a window. Probably killing him.  Seriously.  Adamantium fists + your face = crushed skull.  Super “hero” writing fail.

Ultimate Avengers 5: Ugh.  They are still printing this.  It just seems gratuitous and gross to me.  Not gross in the sense of something disgusting – no wait, look at the origin of the Wasp in this issue… that was disgusting and unnecessary – but gross in the sense of too much.  Overkill on the “we are so badass and teh awesome and we rock and oh god look we are ultimate Captain America is an asshole and you love him for it right.  You love him!!!  Right?”  ARGH. Stop now.

Ultimate Other Avengers 1: [I forgot the exact title].  Also horribly written, but better than the above Ultimate book in the way only a Jeph Loeb book can be better than a Mark Millar book. No, I don’t know what that way is, but evidently it exists.  Generally I expect them to be equally terribly written. I suppose the Millar title was better written in the sense that it was completely understandable… I just judge it worse because its more offensive.  Both books were visually interesting but the “meh” is strong in their writing.  Also, ultimate Mjollnir continues to come off silly and weak.

Justice League – Cry for Justice 7: I read this one because of all the stuff it supposedly sets up but wow, was it ever lame.  The biggest kick in the balls (not the heart, where it’s supposed to hit) was the death of a child – made even worse by the fact that her dad wasn’t even around to fight for her.  Also maybe made even worse because her babysitter left her alone during a disaster to go save other people?  This was just plain stupid. I mean, don’t get me wrong, the writing in this series has been weak the whole way through, so there aren’t any surprises.  Also, the way in which the villain was finally dealt with rang doubly weak because a) you build him up to be this crazy badass, you have him kill hundreds of thousands of people (include a freaking child, one of the few child supporting characters in DC canon right now (the only  one?), then he’s done in by a simple arrow?  REALLY?  Super uber genius is lax in his own lair?  Or something.  The whole series was terrible.  The plotting had some potential – I mean the IDEAS here are interesting, but the execution is one of the worst event (because really, it was an event, albeit a surprisingly self contained one) fails that I can remember.  Reading this helps to understand why the last few issues of Justice League have been so oddly written & paced (same writer).

First Wave 1: This was actually an interesting read.  I’m thinking it will do better in trades, as lots of pieces were missing.  But still, any DC trade I think about picking up can’t be that bad.

Iron Man 24: The dreamscape thing didn’t work for me.  Not enough of it matched up with how I would think Tony actually feels.  Still, it was beautifully drawn, and now that part is finally over and we can move back to business.  Having him forget the Civil War though?  WEAK.  I hope it comes back to him, because “I don’t remember that but I’m really sorry” would be a horrible way to do the coming interaction between Tony & everyone else.  Oh, also having Steve Rogers Cap in uniform is really confusing, as he isn’t actually wearing the uniform anywhere else yet.  I mean, he put it on to visit Tony in the hospital but not to hang out with the Avengers and plan the Siege stuff??

The cover is nice though.

Broken Trinity: Pandora’s Box 1: I don’t usually read Top Cow stuff, but I’ll skim the events sometimes.  This one has some promise.  The “13 artifacts” is an interesting take on the genesis, function and role of superpowers in that world and I’m curious to see where it will go.

…which leads (literally, the last 6-7 pages of the above are the first 6-7 pages of) Thor 604 – Urk.  All that goodwill, gone.  Robotic undead Asgardians??  That’s….really lame, especially for Doom.  Shouldn’t there be magic involved with this somehow?  We’ll see.  I still don’t get how Khelda (a real goddess, not just some generic Asgardian) died like that. I call BS.

Son of Hulk 17 – An interesting ending to a strange series.  The little “huh?” that could.  It’s wrapping into the Marvel cosmic stuff next month or so, so that will be interesting.

Guardians of the Galaxy 20 – One of the weakest issues so far, but that’s not saying much. It was still good … I’m just not quite as interested for some reason.  Maybe it’s this whole “Fault” thing.  It’s just not working for me.

Hercules 138 – Herc is gonna die huh?  We’ll see.  Curious to see how all the long running Athena stuff ties up at least.

Ultimate Avengers 04 - Dumb.

New Mutants 07 – Poorly written in spots – “Hey let’s leave Doug, hi other X-men!  Ok, now let’s go back and get Doug when we could have just done that before!” … dumb.  But other than that, above average.

Fantastic Four 573 – Dumb.  You go to all this length to make some interesting new semi-heroes, then make them into GIANT DICKS off camera?  The hell?  Horrible issue all around.  OH.  And two separate people have their brains smashed – in a Fantastic Four comic… ON CAMERA.

Uncanny X-Men 517 – Wow, Magneto’s new powers are weak.   Really?  AND I HATE GREG LAND’S “ART”.  ARGH.  I mean…too fucking lazy to even finish tracing Psylocke on the cover…

(Oh look, someone else hates this cover!)

And the rest of the book just veers between crapmeh and similar levels of insulting – artwise.  There’s a scene with Rogue that was decent, but would have been better with a real artist.

Meh.

So, Matt Fraction (the writer) is going to be at my local comic shop (Excalibur) and I’m thinking of going just to ask a Greg Land question and see if he can answer honestly. I mean, can the man who brought us Casanova actually like this shattacular “art”?

PS.  Check out Casanova.  Very good.

New Avengers 59 – OK but DUH, of course the ending should have been expected – no one checked for this?

Blackest Night 5 & Green Lantern 48 – Good stuff, be more interesting if deaths now have repercussions because of this stuff though… what can I say, I like me some Rainbow Guardians.  It’s simple, it’s fun.  It just works.

Blackest Night Wonder Woman & Blackest Night Flash – Dumb.  Pointless.  PS evidently Wonder-Woman can lasso herself and make a giant ring of fire?  What the fuck? OK.

I’ll close with a few panels that I found really cute for some reason or another, from Ultimate Spider-Man 5.

I didn’t like the new artist (David La Fuente) at first, but he’s growing on me.  The action scenes are actually quite good, but it’s the personal stuff that I’m enjoying.  Gwen’s face in the 1st and second panels need work (esp the 2nd – a little tooooo freakish) but the 3rd is great and the 4th is adorable.

PS Bringing Gwen back as a clone is awkward.
PPS There are a lot of Spider-related clones in Ultimate Spider-Man.  Already.  Spider-GirlPersonWoman is a female clone of Peter.  Like X-23 to Wolverine, except the same age. Yeah.

Oh, right, here’s the page:

X-Factor 50 delivered on at least 85% of what was expected – and there was a lot riding on it, so I’ll call it good.  It may actually be closer to 100%, but the final sequence with Doom and what?whereishe? left me confused.  If this was intentional, then OK.  Layla’s “power” is quite interesting, and I have to wonder if it’s come into play at all thus far in the series.  I like the explanation for her prescience (although the several of the early scenes from X-Factor don’t make  a whole lot of sense under this umbrella at all – the one that ended with the bathroom collapsing seems downright farcically impossibly now).  The preview for issue 200 – the “relaunch” looked really, really promising.  I bought 2 copies.  Just because.

Oh, and the majority of the people on the cover above did nothing in the story.  This was allllll about Madrox and Layla.  And Ruby and Trevor Fitzory (I know, right?) a little too.  And crochety Doom (where the hell did he go?!).

Necrosha & New Mutants 6 were pleasant surprises.  Although, …battleCypher is kinda like what/huh/ok/no/yes?  … and I SERIOUSLY doubt that the implied ending is in anyway true, but who knows, people have been dying left and right lately.  OK, not X-people.  In fact, pretty much everyone who has ever died in an x-comic was resurrected in the current X-Force run.  Except for the people I wanted resurrected (Synch!)…ok, yeah, there is only one (Synch!). Everyone else can stay down.  Please.

Speaking of dying left and right.  WOW.  Guardians of the Galaxy 19.  Wow.  Can they even call that a win with half the team dead?  Just wow, balls of steel on those writers I tell you.  And I’m not even mad about it – even though one of my favorites is gone – ?for good?.  If you like comics, especially cosmic ones, you should be buying this book.

Astonishing X-Men 31 was underwhelming.  Mucho.  But, who knows, maybe once it gets into gear…

Thankfully Avengers Initiative 29 continued to whelm in all 7 gears.  Komodo (I’m still holding out on the hope that her and Hardball work it out…) the paraplegic kicking ass with brains, Tigra continuing to just kick ass, Speedpenance getting his cat back (!) and… meeting the New Warriors, finally.  Lots of peanuts riding on the grinder heading into the 30s.

New Avengers 58 on the other hand… this plotline is dragging on way too long.  We know Bendis isn’t going to kill Cage (in fact, I’m pretty sure that the recent issue of Thunderbolts with Cage & Iron Fist takes place after this entire arc).  The Hood/Osborn stuff is moderately interesting, and the Ms. Marvel/Osborn smackdown was somewhat rewarding.  But still.  Finish this up and move on please.

Did I mention that you should pick up X-Factor 50 & Guardians of the Galaxy 19 (although neither will make much sense at all without a substantial reading and time investment in the rest of the series…but it’s totally worth it!)?

Blackest Night 4 was decent, although I think Green Lantern 47 actually beat it.  These panels are awesome.  I guess I’m a sucker for shiny lights.

I really hope all the shiny colored rings stick around.  It would also be handy if some of the current (and future, since we know Guy Gardner goes Red) non-green colored lanterns stick around.  I rather wish Hal had stayed blue – it would certainly make him more interesting.  I guess they’d have to rename the book then :P.

One note:  The colorist seems to have drawn the indigo light as more of a blue, but we already have a blue… sooo… yeah.

The bad news is that I’m totally not going to finish the Gathering Storm tonight.

Daredevil 500: Wow.  Shit actually happens.  One thing I give the DD crew props for is that they are not afraid to bend the status quo over and show it who’s the boss. Matt running the Hand?  In a country where Osborn is the good guy?  That actually has some legs.

X-Factor 48: Continues to be the best X-book.  Now that we’r drawing in on 50, you can kind of see where everything is going – but now how it’s going to end.  I have to say I wasn’t expecting the future villain to be who it is, but of course it makes perfect sense in the context of this X-Factor run.  Talk about tying up loose ends. I suspect there will only be one that gets away (the Rahne killing Madrox & Layla thing.  Not really addressable without Rahne….).

The cheap:

The required “death” in Blackest Night 03 was cheap.  C’mon – seriously?  Have some balls and kill a real hero, instead of yet another hero’s girlfriend.  Jesus Christ.  I mean.  REALLY?

Ultimates 3 02 was kinda cheap too, especially considering it was basically just one long origin issue.  I mean, the character concept for the Ultimate Red Skull is kind of interesting, but it’s not worth paying money to read a bout something so focused on it.  Especially considering there are exactly ZERO dimensions to his character, 2 issues in. Oh, he’s evil.  Why?  He was born evil, we guess.  MM kay.  Dumb.  Millar at his “best” of course.

Marvel Zombies is still going.  I guess there must be a desire to see our favorite Marvel characters get eaten and horribly disfigured.  Barf.

War of Kings – Who will Rule?: We all know how it was going to end, and it was kind of with a whimper but STILL.  Everything DnA are turning out in Marvel Cosmic lately is fucking gold son.  GOLD.

The meh:

Outsiders 22: I’m still not sure why this comic is being printed, but this issue was actually fairly decent.  It’s good to see Geo Force get some screen time, although I think he should change his name to something less 80s-Captain-Planetish with a quickness.  Still, nothing happening here worth $$.

Nomad, Girl without a World: This really didn’t need to happen.  Maybe it will tie back in with the whole two Captain Americas thing (maybe they need multiple layers of redundant sidekicks?) in a month or two but still, MEH.  Oh, and the Black Widow cockblocking the lead’s attempts to meet BuckyCap?  STUPID.  Really, really crappy writing.  Like an anti-Deux Ex-Machina.  “No, you can’t do the completely obvious thing that anyone in their right mind would do, instead you have to waste you time doing something else so we can fill up 3 more issues.” HUH? ( Yes, this should also be filed below).

Titans 17: Not particularly horrible but continuing a long string of one shots about the various titans, which looks like it will continue for at least another 3 months.   Where the hell is this title going with 3 of the “big” names heading to the JLA?  Some kind of merger with the Teen Titans?  I hope so.  Less books is almost always good.

The huh?:

Evidently one of the people with Selene in that Necrosha preview was Dazzler’s half sister.  Wow.  A character I actually had no idea existed.  I’m amazed that character sat dormant for so long.  Is that a limbo record for x-family?

War Machine 09: I guess Norman Osborn wins again?  Seriously?  Yawn.

The drek:

I skimmed the recent Dark Reign Punisher arc.  Wow, the art is horrible.   The skull on his chest is the only way I know which one the Punisher is.  And sometimes you can’t see the skull!

Magog 1: Why does this book exist?

Once upon a time, a great creative team made Jean Grey interesting as the Phoenix, then killed her, ending that arc wonderfully.  Then Marvel thought it would be fun to do again, and again, and again.  Each time it is less interesting, and more likely to make me not buy whatever book is involved in it.

Once upon a time, a great creative team (or three) brought Emma Frost through a wonderful character arc, ending in marriage to Cyclops, after various struggles with non-heroic tendencies.  Now, Marvel appears to be starting that cycle over.  And each time I see this arc continued, I’m less and less likely to want to buy issues with her in it.

Oh, I also find it hilarious that the one person to get the best of Norman Osborn so far is Aurora.  Aurora.  WIN.

Blackest Night: Titans 01 – I’m sensing a pattern of bringing back un”valuable” characters only to kill them and resurrect them as Black Lanterns (Hawkman/woman, Aqualad guy, and now Hawk) in a vain attempt to ratchet up the drama.  *Yawn*

X-Force 18 : Wow, armless huh?  That’s pretty graphic, even for an x-book. I am pleased that all the almost-dead ex-New Mutants/X-kids from this issue are still alive though.  Kind of a miracle there.  And Necrosha is ticking away in the background… not horrible, not great, but decent.

New Mutants 4: Not stellar, but getting better at least (Sunspot coming on to Amara though??  Aren’t they all like brothers & sisters by now?).  I fail to see why Sam would try and send Dani away though – they’ve been through enough that he would know better.  Besides, Legion was obviously after her for one reason or another, and he can probably teleport….sooo…yeah.

Dark Wolverine 77: Yes, the “dark”-ness is dumb, but whatever.  They’re at least going out of their way to make Daken a character in his own right, which I do appreciate.  Not really my thing though.  Sadly I’m hooked into Marvel to follow certain characters, most of the new ones (especially Wolverine clones) just don’t do it for me.

Justice League of America 36: Wow, when has Vixen looked this ugly?  These issues just feel like filler to me, or like it should be a separate series or something.  Look, I’m not knocking Len Wein…but the story he’s writing does not feel like a good fit for the current run of this book at all.  Plus, the art is periodically horrible.

Wolverine Origins 39: Ok but, umm, Romulus’ 4th claw is really dumb, not to mention impractical and useless (looking).  Sorry Rommy, you have the least cool claws, goodbye!

Wonder Woman 35: Uh, this is the first “good” issue of Wonder Woman I can recall flipping through.  The whole arena/fight club bit is kind of silly but the Pele/whatshisname/Wonder Woman alliance arc is actually really interesting.

Dark Avengers 08: Decently interesting, mostly because it focuses on the X-Men.  Hah!  So I guess Emma wasn’t a traitor…this may counter my comment on Dark X-Men above, we’ll see.  I didn’t see Xavier in the pile of people rescued though, interesting.  Is this the first step in the Cabal’s breakup (finally!) with the only two ostensibly “good” characters defecting back to the angels?  It couldn’t be soon enough.

Avengers Initiative 27: Stellar story here.  It really shines in how much is crammed into one issue without making anything feel rushed. Reading the first “section” I was like “arrghhh is this gonna be the whole issue?”  But then, it wasn’t, and it worked just fine for what it was.  Not to mention that they quoted my favorite Petty song AND a classic Springsteen song…big points there.  The (non-Dark) Avengers books continue to swing for the bleachers.

Woah.  All four “Hulk” titles came out today.  … Little bit odd there Marvel shipping folks.

Hulk 14: If only I wasn’t so morbidly fascinated with waiting for this train wreck to end…yes I keep tuning in, no it doesn’t suck yet.  Nevermind that you get Domino acting horribly out of character, quailing and getting all  obsequious towards RapingHulk, or Wolverine telling X-Force to “Kill everyone” (including Electra, whom he just saved, and the Punisher, with whom he’s worked before).  Wait, no on second thought don’t forget either of those things – they’re just more examples of a what an ignorant writer Loeb is.

Son of Hulk 14: I still don’t get how this other kid is a Hulkchild too.  I mean, Caiera wasn’t even pregnant with him.  Huh?

Incredible Hercules 133: The origin of Amadeus Cho commences.  A little slower than the previous year or so of stories, but hey it’s only the start.  This is one book I’m torn about not buying every time I see it.  Bottom line, Pak is just a damn good writer.

So good in fact that two titles he wrote came out today!  Incredible Hulk 601 was also pretty decent.  We get to see Bruce using his brain (I wonder where he ranks in the “smartest person on Earth” thing that Amadeus is #7 on…I mean Richards must be in the top 3, Doom and Pym probably up there too…), which is nice for a change.  He says flat out that the Hulk will be back eventually (which makes me think, maybe not for a while :P), and now he’s helping his “son” train to kill the Hulk/him.  If only he could kill the Raping Hulk instead… well, there’s another big Hulk-over coming in a few months, so I have a feeling he’ll be back for that.  Who knows though, Pak’s got balls, so a Hulk-less Hulk-over… I wouldn’t put it past him.  Besides, they just imported a 2nd She-Hulk, and there’s a third (red…) one coming in another month or two.  Not to mention A-Bomb & Hulk’s 2 (!?) kids…so there’s Hulk-oids aplenty, we can get by without old green skin for a while.

Spider-Man 602: The new (?) Chameleon is kind of gross.  And the ending is silly, because we know he’s not dead.

Marvels Project 01: Actually not bad, will see how it goes, maybe the trade will be interesting.

X-Men Forever 05: Claremont ups the drama a bit, mixing and mashing up Decimation/Legacy Virus and Dead @21…where oh where will he go with it?  This issue was definitely missing a few beats, such as anyone reacting to baby Storm….and how everyone is suddenly calling her ‘Ro (Gawd is that a Claremont-ism or what?).  The buddy-buddyness with Sabretooth isn’t working for me either.  And why haven’t his eyes healed yet, seriously?  I’m hanging on mostly out of Claremont loyalty.  X-treme X-men, aside from the name, was a genuinely good comic imho.  Of course, at least 40% of that was Larocca’s stellar un-inked pencils.  Still, I know CC’s got some magic left in him, so I’ll wait and see where this goes for a bit longer.

UC Avengers 1: Meh, over it.  Red Skull is Cap’s son now, *yawn*.  Next.

UC Spider-Man 1: Wow, I really didn’t like the art here like, at all.  It made it difficult for me to enjoy what I’m sure would have been a decent story otherwise.  6 months later and Peter and MJ are broken up, Kitty is still around the edges, and Peter is making out with Gwen who now lives with them?  WAIT.  Gwen died…right?  So, this is Gwen/Venom clone thing or something?  I forget.  Anyway, throw the artist out and you might have something.

Blackest Night 2: Not much happens here sadly.  People fight, and talk, but I didn’t see much progress.  And evidently fire won’t kill J’onn now – not that  GL & Flash were shy about “killing” J’onn again.  Seems a little out of character for all these shiny-happy heroes, but maybe not so much if they’re thinking it’s “just” a zombie.  Really can’t wait to find out how “death” fits into the emotional spectrum and what the White Lanterns are.  I mean, you can’t have black without white right?  Just seems silly.

Guardians of the Galaxy 16: Still good.  Not an over the top awesome issue, but it does have a good cameo by the old Guardians, if you’re into that kind of thing.  Not much else to say.

Project Superpowers v? 1: Was kind of interesting.  They are sure throwing stuff out there fast and furious.  If I was young, and felt like getting involved in a new hero universe, this would be worth picking up.  But I’m not.

Power Girl x: She doesn’t need a comic book, really.  This is grasping.  Superman has like 4 already, and Supergirl has one, and she is already in Justice Society.  She’s just not that interesting.  Is it sad when a character’s defining characteristic is her cleavage?  I mean, don’t get me wrong, I actually find it very interesting that hey, here is a character who is actually supposed to have giant breasts, and it’s addressed frequently over the years – as opposed to every other comic female who is just drawn with giant breasts.  Where was I?  Oh yeah, pointless.

Outsiders 20: This book has gotten boring.  *yawn* Just don’t care anymore.

Avengers Initiative 26: So glad the quality level of this book is holding on.  It’s worth the $3 or whatever it is these days (I try not to look, it just makes me sad ;) ).  Mostly because the New Warriors are in it, without them I would drop it like a rock.  I really just don’t care about ANYTHING Osborne is doing, can’t wait for him to die again.

Runaways 3 12: Speaking of how the mighty have fallen (see Hulk above)… ok it’s not that bad.  But what the hell is going on here?  Runaways 3 has been weaksauce in general, but this latest arc is weaksauce covered in stupidpepper.

Fantastic Four 569: Gorgeous art can’t save Millar’s horrible writing.  While he’s not on the low-level of someone like Loeb, he’s still a hack in the sense that most of what he writes seems to simply be:  “ooo look a shiny thing!” , where the shiny thing is anything shocking.  This issue was almost as poorly written as 600 in the sense of things just popping up out of nowhere.  I honestly couldn’t tell which FF was the main one at several points.  Oh – and if we are to believe those were really alternate FFs…wait, I don’t believe that for a second, unless they were like, the suckiest of the sucky FFs or something – hundreds of them couldn’t even take the 616 FF?  All this for, as someone said “an upgrade” for Doom?  Didn’t he just get one on Waid’s run, and then again later…?  Meh.

Skaar/Son of Hulk 13: So Hulk has TWO kids now?  Don’t get me wrong, it’s not an out-of-ass popping moment, and fits with the flow of the series (I wondered how it was going to keep going with this title…I have a feeling it won’t last much longer if it keeps going in this direction though) – but I don’t get how it makes sense in terms of the pre-existing STORY.  Skaar was older because he aged super fast – this other kid did too?  And, you know, I’d think Caiera would have remembered having a second child, especially with her abilities.

Marvel Zombies 4 04: Not horrible, but not good.

War of Kings: Ascension 04: It certainly does leave Darkhawk in an interesting place … one kid, not guilty of a huge crime, on the run from the universe & the good guys… still not interesting enough for an ongoing, but he will make a good occasional guest star.  Cosmic Marvel has room for a “power armor guy” too, more than “Earthbound” Marvel, so moving him out was a smart play.

War of Kings 06:  A fittingly pyrrhic ending to such a series.  I’m not disappointed, and will be picking it up in trade.  Some interesting things came out of it,  one of them the (hopefully final) death of Vulcan, Marvel’s to DC’s Superboy Prime as far as petty annoyance goes.  Hopefully that sticks, nevermind that how he healed himself didn’t make any sens.  More important deaths include Lilandra’s from last ish – while always a support character, she filled a huge role and will be missed – and Black Bolt.  It will be interesting to see where the Inhumans go with a potentially reformed Maximus, Medusa will lead I guess?  Gladiator as the majestor will be interesting, and really is a logical and fitting choice: his life’s purpose is to serve the imperium, and how better to do that?  Looking forward to the fall out from this one.

Ultimatum 6 & the Requiem Books: The Spider-Man Requiem book was always going to be pointless, as he’s not dead (and revealed to be so at the end), but it was good just in the way JJJ FINALLY turned a new leaf.  Now there’s some “Ultimate” change for you :P.  Then again, maybe now he can rail against the “new” Spider-Man for not living up to the old one….

The X-Men one was just sad, as they took the brunt of the death toll.  So many characters with so much potential, dead.  I wasn’t a fan of Ult. Night Crawler, but the young kids – Cannonball & Sunspot, they died off camera, such a waste.  Frost & Xavier & Magneto all down – so nothing left of the “old guard” of mutants (not counting the weird Nick Fury/man-made mutants thing), and nowhere to go but…up?  I think they’ll be joining the Avengers now.  Cyclops dead instead of Jean is a switch, I guess, finally.  Too little too late though, imho.  At least Rogue has some permanent powers now, I’m not sure why.  I guess Juggernaut died off camera too.  Huh?  I’m guessing Sabretooth didn’t die here, but the might as well just wipe him too.

Ultimatum itself was just as poorly written in the finale as it was in every other issue.  Generally sub-par all around.  Perfect example of Jeph Loeb at his “best”.

The major moment from FF Requiem wasn’t even in the book..I think it was in Ultimatum 6??  That would be Ben’s crushing of Doom’s skull (and what happened to Namor?).  Was it that easy, really?  The rest of the book, meh, whatever.  They’re all still alive, so they will be back.  Nothing new to see here.

So, in the end it took the Ultimate universe what, 10 years to get to a place as different from 616 as it should have been to start, and they had to resort to Jeph Loeb to get there.   I don’t think he’s writing anything else there for a while, so I’m hoping it can only go up.

He’ll probably feel horrible when he reads that I know, maybe he’ll retire from comics forever, eyes full of tears?  Alas, but we can dream.

Seriously.  There was no angle under which the lead story in this book made sense.  Especially not for a “600th” issue (ignoring all the Hulk #ing madness).  Sure, sure, wait and see Marvel says, it will make sense later – who the fuck cares when you’re expected to pay for something NOW?  Not that I did – not worth $1 let alone $5.  Spider-Man 600, while written pretty poorly, was a better example of how a 600th issue should – Thor & Captain America even moreso.

Oh right, the actual plot.  Umm.  It was hard to find.  People acted totally out of character, people appeared out of nowhere, and continuity was anally and orally raped in ways only the Rapist Hulk (“Rulk” for short) can.  Like, when did this take place, just for starters?  At first I thought it was right after WWH, because then the Banner without powers might make sense…but, um.. no.  It … happened in “comic time” in the truest sense of the word – absolutely nowhen, yet the reader is expected to somehow make sense of everything anyway.  I hear Pak is coming back on 601 – wow will that be like night and day.  If only he could abandon all this Rapist Hulk bullshit, but no, I’m sure he’s gotta run with it. ARRGGHHH.  Oh, and in addition to a new Hulk,  there’s a new She-Hulk coming soon too.   Not that we didn’t just get a 2nd She-Hulk.

Oh sweet Hulk-Jesus, when will it end?

Look, Marvel, I know you love the taste of Loeb’s junk, or something, or maybe you think he’s cool because he’s got Hollywood connections.  Look, here’s the thing, it’s a LOT EASIER TO BE A SHITTY WRITER IN HOLLYWOOD than it is in comics.  In Hollywood you have “writing teams” who can take all your fucking idiotic ideas and turn them into something more palatable – this is not happening with Hulk.  Do that.

No, I did not buy this comic.  Although then I would have been able to burn it.  I may still do that, maybe that will release the demons.

OH.  Oh.  Here’s some random Loeb Logic for you:  a team made up of people who wear red.  The trick here is that they were ALREADY WEARING RED – it’s not a team dress code or anything!  Wow Jeph I heart your brainhole!   Oh wait, the Punisher is wearing black.  Ohh, even his fail logic has inherent fail.   W T>.ARGH F.  Please stop, you make my brain die.  Besides, he already established that RapingHulk can beat up anything and everything, why would he need a team including a guy who just has a gun.  ARREDPDR *POPSPLODE*

By the way, Norman Osborn is also dumb and obnoxious and annoying.  He’s racing Wolverine for # of titles appearing in, and has far outpaced (imho) the Civil War Iron Man’s douchebaggery levels.  Please die now, again, thanks bye.

Fantastic Four 568: Typical Millar dumbness of the uber, uber-bad.  Oh gawd he’s so powerful not only did he beat everyone, but he beat us a thousand times already – how will we ever beat him? Who cares?  Really?  Does anyone care about the villain from that weird ass 1980 whatever limited Millar put out a few years ago?  Yes, I know it ties in sidebar with Old Man Logan and all that.  Which is actually kind of cute… but the actual execution so far in FF is lame.

Iron Man 15: This storyline is still running?  Wow.

Cable 16:  K.  Whatever.  We’re aging Hope from 9 to 11, I get it.  Oooo 9->11. HUMMM.  And  Bishop got old – will he finally die now and be revealed as a skrull so we can get RealBishop back?

X-Men Forever 3:  The hell???  I mean, I would say the Shadow King, but I hope not because that’s too standard.  Someone should have commented about the Sabreooth/Wolverine’s dad thing…

Blackest Night 1: I actually bought this one – 1st DC book this year – because the Sinestro Corps War was pretty decent.  I have a feeling turning this thing into a company wide crossover is going to ruin it, but we’ll see.  The first issue definitely starts off with what “makes” an event these days: death and resurrection!  None of the resurrections go as usual though :p.  Curious if they are going to leave the two “big guns” (ok, not really, but they hung out with them a lot) who die at the end of the ish dead.  A wee bit gory for DC though.

New Mutants 3:  Slightly better than the last two issues, curious when/how they are going to repower Dani though – I’m guessing valkyrie somesuch.  Now I suppose I have to track down 1  & 2 in backissue bins.

Mighty Avengers 27: Not liking the “overkill” power levels of the villain so far, everything else was cool though. I think I prefer a “smart” villain plot to massive smash these days I guess.

X-Factor 46: Continues to build towards 50, not getting any worse.  A semi-revelation at the end, shows no signs of slowing down.

Iron Fist 27: Yes, Danny Rand/Iron Fist will also be a father soon, following in his perennial buddy, Luke Cage/Power Man’s footsteps.  Also of note, and implied by my goofy title, is that the mother of said child (and soon to be wife of Danny) is Misty Knight.  Now.  This is comics.  So her or the baby could go kaput or turn into an alien at any time, for no good reason BUT, luckily no one else seems to care about writing Misty at the moment – so I think they are safe!

Also, this was the final issue of Immortal Fist.  Such a shame, it’s been a great series so far and deserved more than it got (much like Captain Britain & MI13).

X-Factor 45: Answers a question asked by only the most diligent fanfolk (ok, that’s still a lot): were Rictor and Shatterstar together?  Beyond that, the ongoing arcs continue in interesting ways, and things start to come together.

Astonishing X-Men 30:  Something happened here. Forge “died” I think, in a really strange and silly ending that I don’t think anyone saw coming to a story that started looking like something out of 90s Claremont’s and wound up 90s Ennis.  Not bad, but not particularly good, and I think Ellis can do better.

Apparently the entire point of Avengers-Invanders was to resurrect Toro, who no one cares about.  Or the original Human Torch, one of them.  DUMB.  Leading into the new Human Torch mini coming out later this year I’m sure.  The ending was rather horrid – but how else are you going to end a story where the bad guy is omnipotent?

Whatever the current Messiah Mini Event is finally ended a recent issue of X-Force or Cable.  It was actually decent, except that in the end it didn’t mean anything.  Except that Dom killed Kiden in the future.  That’s basically it.  Fun.  Curious to see how X-F will pick up the pieces of Boom-Boom now though.  Shame, she was wonderful with the right writers.  Go NEXTWAVE!

A bunch of Dark Reign minis came out.  They’re all pretty stupid.  The Lethal Legion thing may stir up some interest with the Wonder Man in jail angle though… that last panel was a little creepy.

Daken has taken over Wolverine’s title, which is good because there was too damn much of one Wolverine – thankfully now we have 3 separate Wolverine’s to spread around.  !?

Now Wolverine’s “main” book is the Weapon X one – doing stuff that would have been in the normal Wolverine book so uh, whatever.  !?

Guardians of the Galaxy 15 was good and ended pretty much the only way it could (on the War of Kings angle), although still somewhat surprisingly.  And I hear the “old” Guardians are returning… that actually makes me very vary.  I think I’ll drop the book if it becomes about them.  Their time is over.  Vance I can take, but the others… meh, they work in the future, not in the past.  For me anyway.

I skimmed through Transformers: All Hail Megatron – it seems pretty decently written, if you’ve got a Transformers itch that the movie just didn’t scratch (which is understandable, as it was mostly trying to scratch your scrotum).